There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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