i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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