im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
