it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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