Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I met the friendliest cop last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
