Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
