Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
