Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize