then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
