yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
