Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
