just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
