how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we're making bets on your personal life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
