what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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