It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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