Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
