There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If that was your dad, he is hot
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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