Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
