my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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