So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
