Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
