I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
