I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
