he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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