Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
