Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
