omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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