i already hear my dad disowning me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
