He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
