Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
