is your mom at the bar?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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