i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
