I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
