i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
