I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
