why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
