finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
