YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
