I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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