o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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