When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
