I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
