Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
