So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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