I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
