so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This baby is an asshole
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
