I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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