PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
