i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
