it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
