It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
