a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
