I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.