We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs