im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.