Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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