Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
