He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
