this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
