Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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