I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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