Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
