omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
