i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize