I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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