She announced her abortion via fbk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
