I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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