you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
