I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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